Hey Raichel, You're A Tooil.

So many ways to go here. And despite the unnecessary I in her name let's focus on the profession. Manscaper. Isn't that a little like describing your job as Powerpoint? Sure, you do some waxing but are you limited to men? Seems kind of niche. Maybe go with spa worker. Oh, I get it. It's cute and funny. Manscaper. Play on words. Why don't you leave the jokes to the professionals like Chris Harrison and concentrate on looking less like Snooki.

Hmmm...

Her hairline looks remarkably similar to Nicholas Cage's. Real boner killer.

Get Over Yourself Honey

I'm no Rex Ryan but I know a little something about womens footwear. They should compliment the leg. Finish it. Make it more elegant. These look like you stepped in a vat of Hubba Bubba. So yeah, Brad noticed them. They way you notice a cold sore. So bring it down a notch or the Ashely S's of the world are gonna leave you in their vapors. Jesus. Act like a professional for once.

This is How You Play the Game

Color me impressed. Fun. Flirty. No references to mistakes from Brad's past. And a finger up the caboose at the end. Don't sleep on this chick. She's playing for keeps.

I'm Sorry I Didn't Get Fake Engaged To You

Jenny, I'm sorry I had the audacity of not getting engaged to you for a few months. Deanna, you've shown me the true meaning of love: getting fake engaged on the bachelor, breaking it off then going on the bachelorette, getting fake engaged again then getting engaged again. It's the way Keats drew it up.

If I self immolate in front of you both, will you see that this time I'm here for the right reasons?

Love,

Brad

Yawn. Been There Done That.

 It was called Ella Nolan from the Jake season. Sad story that catapults you into a hometown date. Widow-ish deal with a kid. Sweet as sugar but boring as fuck. Sit back, because this one ain't going anywhere. Damn you Chris Harrison.

And Away We Go...

It seems like only yesterday we were trying to figure out if Ali was fat or thin. And now we're back. Back for another great season of the bachelor and another familiar face. Let's not dick around, lets not dwell on the vision of Ali and Roberto in their Lion King outfits. That's old news. Let's charge ahead into the new territory of an old bachelor doing the same old shit. Oh yeah. And this time...he's here for the right reasons.